Waffling Along

I had a sleepless night processing all that had happened during yesterday’s training session and emailed my trainer in the early hours of the morning to ask if I could speak to her about how I could try to make buses more manageable for me.  I also did some scoping work in the evening on possible destinations for today’s training route and decided that it would be most sensible to make the destination one that would reflect the time I had in a normal lunch break – at the moment if I go over my hour lunch break for training purposes I need to make the time up during the evening by working at home.  My trainer replied to my email in the morning that the other trainer would have time to discuss what I needed to when she met me today.

We were doing our training early afternoon but I picked up on Sadie’s restlessness as we headed through my normal lunch break time which is encouraging as she is starting to recognise our usual working routine.   As pre-arranged I met my (other) trainer at our meeting point, Sadie again giving me practice in controlling her when she spots someone she knows and wants to rush towards them.  I talked through my experience yesterday on the bus suggesting what I thought might help me and my trainer agreed (it was the same agreement reached with my own GDMI when I was doing my initial training with Sadie and although not best practice, the way I do things needs to be practical and achievable for me while obviously not causing any (potential) harm to Sadie).  We then agreed on a destination for today’s route and set off.

We were aiming for a Waitrose which is about a 15-20 minute walk from the hospital I work in but despite working there for around 19 years have never been to.  Before setting off, because this was a route I had never walked before and to my knowledge neither had Sadie, I did flag up to my trainer that I may have to ask for sighted assistance if I wasn’t sure on occasion, or indeed if Sadie did something that I didn’t know how to correct.  As it turned out Sadie and I sailed along happily with my trainer only picking up on one thing she would want me to correct in the future (Sadie drifting slightly to the left on a crossing so she could scent as she went past – my trainer remarked that I was correct to go with Sadie as she drifted as there might have been an obstacle that I was unaware of but she could see Sadie was drifting for self interest so I need to correct her but still go with her; Sadie should respond to the correction and pick up the perfect straight line but I shouldn’t alter my position relative to Sadie’s until she guides me back on to the straight line…back to the comment my trainer made last week of me having to ensure that Sadie does the work of guiding me and I don’t compensate for her lack of attention at times).

I didn’t need any shopping from Waitrose so just had a wander round really for me to get my bearings and for Sadie to get practice in finding the door in, behaving appropriately in the supermarket and then guiding me back to the exit and back to the main path heading back to my workplace.  Once we reached the main path back to the hospital and Sadie realised that we were going ‘home’ she started her death march slow walk again.  But it did give me practice in alternating between being a bit sterner with her to try and get her to increase her pace, and being more playful in my approach to doing so (as I’d learned earlier in the week).  Sadie did respond on each occasion, albeit for a mere few steps, but my trainer explained at the end of the walk that although Sadie only responded momentarily, she was still responding.  I remember for a fairly long period of time after I qualified with Waffle having to work on correcting her desire to walk very slowly home from a destination.  Over time she sped up a little, not to her usual walking speed but we reached a happy compromise of a speed I would accept.  I’m hoping the same will happen with Sadie.  If I’m honest her very, very slow walking pace doesn’t bother me but I do understand what my trainers explain to me that it should always be me who decides on an acceptable pace, otherwise over time Sadie will demand more and more of her own way so correcting things early on sets us up for a better longer term working partnership with a bit of give and take on both sides.  It was also very encouraging personally to hear from my trainer that there was nothing else she would have suggested I try in attempting to alter Sadie’s speed on our return walk or that she herself believed that would have worked if she were the one working with Sadie.

On reaching our destination (back to the entrance I needed to the hospital) my trainer explained that her and my usual trainer had discussed yesterday how they moved my training on suggesting that Sadie and I try a route on our own tomorrow.  Remember yesterday my own trainer had said she needed to test which one of us needed support when she wasn’t there…this is her way of testing it.  The trainer was quick to reassure me that if I didn’t feel confident enough to do this, then they would make arrangements for one of them to do the route with Sadie and I or that if I felt in the morning that I did need support they would give me that support. But I do feel confident enough.  No idea how Sadie feels about it but I’ll find out!  I discussed the route I will do tomorrow with Sadie on my own, avoiding her sticky area of the shopping centre, and then we made follow up arrangements.

A few weeks ago when I was discussing refresher training, my trainer had indicated it would likely take around the same amount of time as normal class (circa 3 weeks) before we would be allowed out and about on our own again (she was very clear that if I agreed to refresher training as a way of resolving the issues I was having with Sadie’s behaviour I would need to agree to having a trainer “on my shoulder” and not go out on my own with Sadie during refresher training).  I had no issues with her stipulations then or now.  To be told that on day 6 of training Sadie and I will be let completely loose on our own is a real confidence boost to me…my trainer will be miles away should we get into difficulties; the norm is that they slowly get further and further back from dog/owner to allow us to work independently but have rapid support available if we need it.  It also indicates that in general I do handle Sadie well and have been able to learn the new skills taught to me over the last couple of days and put them into practice.  I’m writing this blog post in the morning of day 6 but haven’t lost any of my confidence in stepping out with Sadie on my own…the only way I’ll know how well I handle Sadie truly on my own is to do just that.

I met my trainer at lunchtime and after doing some practice of correcting Sadie when she lunged towards someone she knew (my trainer) we headed off to Sainsburys again.  Paw perfect by Miss Pops and we reached Sainsburys with my trainer commenting that I could get a performance out of Sadie that none of the current mobility team members could.  Somewhat stating the obvious here, but when I’m taught how to handle my dog, I handle my dog very well! After praising Sadie for finding the entrance to the supermarket we went out of the exit and asked her to find the bus stop pole and did a bit of practice with her to locate the particular pole I wanted her to and then got the bus back to my workplace.

Me and buses will never get on – they are a necessary evil on rare occasions for me.  I had said to my trainer a couple of weeks ago when discussing how we would approach my refresher training that I would use the bus if it helped to ease Sadie into her new workload level but I didn’t want to place any reliance on them in the longer term, and this was why we were getting the bus back to the hospital I work in.  One of the many reasons I applied for a guide dog is my love of walking so getting buses on routes I’m able to walk doesn’t make best use of my dog and certainly won’t help her weight loss (or mine!).  True to form my experience on this particular bus wasn’t the most pleasant and I reached my stop feeling cognitively overwhelmed and disorientated.  Before I had the chance to process what had made me feel like this and speak to my trainer about it, she made arrangements with me for the next day’s training when another trainer would be working with me later in the day.  She suggested a few possible destinations for our route work and commented that over the next while she would need to test whether it was Sadie or myself who lacked confidence when she wasn’t there to support us and then left Sadie and I to return to my office.  That comment left me with food for thought.

The remainder of the day I chose to focus on the positivity of the first part of our training route work but knew I was going to have to speak to my trainer about whether using the bus would actually be of benefit in the next few weeks.

We were back to training yesterday morning and my trainer decided we should start to tackle the problem destinations head on.  We arranged to meet at my workplace and I worked Sadie towards the shopping centre not too far away.  At the end of each long section of the walk and at the down kerb, Sadie got lots of praise for keeping up her pace and getting me safely to that point.  At the first praise point, my trainer remarked on how well Sadie was stepping out especially as she hadn’t been doing that when in for her assessment…could be that Sadie was remembering our route from last year and was just happy to be going for a longer walk than those we had been doing for the last few months on my lunch breaks from work.  Further along the route and as we neared Sainsbury’s door I used the new “find the door” command I had been taught last week and Sadie very positively found the door and went straight into Sainsburys where she got lots and lots of praise and a little food treat to reinforce the supermarket as our destination as well as her good work following my commands and getting me safely into the shop.  As Sadie is still on her eye drops and having increased the value of the reward she gets when she co-operates with me putting her drops in, I needed to stock up on more supplies so worked Sadie through Sainsburys and on to the check out.  Sadie is generally very good at waiting in queues but did try to sniff the lady in front of us coat so I corrected her – but being mindful of my trainer teaching me last week that the punishment should fit the crime, it was a gentle correction really just altering the tone of my voice rather than the need for using her harness or lead as part of the correction.  We then made our way out of the store and asked Sadie to find the pole as we neared the bus stop.  There are quite a few poles in that area so although Sadie did try to find a pole, she didn’t pick the correct one (why would she as its not something we’ve asked her to do previously) so I touched the correct pole and encouraged Sadie to “find it” and when she did touch the correct pole praised and rewarded this behaviour.

Our plan when we had set off on our training walk was to get the bus back to my work place but as there would be a bit of a wait, we opted to walk Sadie back.  We chose to avoid the area of the shopping centre Sadie had stuck at last year and instead went out a different exit, one we had done on class with no issues, which also meant that we were returning to my work place via a different route but which kept the entire walk more positive for Sadie.  Again Sadie kept up a good pace along quite a long stretch of road until we reached our turning point and again being mindful of what my trainer had discussed with me last week, I chose to ask Sadie to go straight up to the kerb and do a left turn (which is actually a back right turn) rather than asking her to make the turn on the move.  There were two reasons for my thinking on this…last week my trainer had advised that Sadie might be a dog of habit, so if we turn at a particular point once, Sadie will expect to always turn at that point especially if we make turns on the move which could lead to sticking in her expectation of constancy, so to stop any unwanted habits forming, I should take her to a kerb and then make the correct turn from there.  Making the turn this way also gave me practice in doing a left turn (ie back right) – thought I might as well make best use of my refresher training!

Sadie made the turn perfectly and then the fun began!! There is a fair incline on the route at this point but Sadie initially kept a reasonable pace however as we reached the first ‘summit’ on the hill, Sadie immediately started to dither on the pavement.  Knowing my trainer was very close behind us I told her Sadie was starting to dither (no tension at all on the harness and I could feel Sadie start to weave left to right with no real purpose to her movements or obstacles that I was aware of) and admitted that I didn’t know what to do.  My trainer told me to use a slightly firmer tone with Sadie and tell her “straight on” but not to add in any praise for moving forward in a straight line.  Sadie did move on but was very slow paced so again my trainer told me just to occasionally tell Sadie “straight on” but not to add in any praise or correction as Sadie walked on.  My trainer explained to me that as we were on a hill, Sadie might have naturally slowed her pace and then having gotten away with then adding in some dithering that I had accepted previously thought she’d try it again.  By giving her a clear command but no praise/correction, I was making it very clear to Sadie what I expected of her (forward movement) but as we were on a hill I couldn’t expect that Sadie would keep up her former quicker pace…rather handy as my cardiovascular system was in need of a slower pace on this hill anyway!

Having reached the absolute ‘summit’ and crossed a road, Sadie should have picked up her pace again but didn’t and as there was no reason or justification for this, my trainer told me to take the lead in my right hand and using the slight forward movement she’d shown me last week with it tell Sadie to “hop up” at which point Sadie reverted to nonsense puppy mode and tried to take the lead in her mouth so I again asked my trainer for advice.  She advised telling Sadie “no” and “straight on” in a very firm tone which nicely put an end to Sadie’s behaviour and she returned to sensible guide dog mode keeping up a good pace all the way back to the entrance to my work place.

At this point we discussed my previous reaction to Sadie’s dithering (allowing her to grind to a halt and getting her moving forward again, often repeating this numerous occasions on some routes) and calming Sadie when she wanted to take off with her lead in her mouth rather than correcting her.  I remarked in my blog last week on how I had felt sad that in trying to do my best by Sadie, I had created unwanted reactions and responses to Sadie’s behaviour.  I mentioned dithering and nonsense in feedback reports but I wasn’t given the skills I needed to address them so reverted to my default mode, especially if I know stress is involved, and took workload (and expectations) off Sadie and calmed rather than corrected.  Now knowing that stress isn’t playing a part in Sadie’s behaviour and she is well settled in to her new life with me, I am confident in having been given the skills I need to address unwanted behaviours from Sadie to correct them.  And Sadie gave me the perfect practice for my new found confidence when after making a plan for day 4 training, my trainer left me to work Sadie back to my office….but Sadie decided that going with her trainer would be more fun so started to dither on the pavement which I corrected as I had been shown so Sadie once again reverted to puppy mode but again being corrected for it and me using a firm tone with her, she gave in and happily guided me, with reasonable pace for our surroundings, back to my office where I gave her lots of praise and played for a little while with her with her toys.

Like any training walk, there was a lot for me to take in as my trainer advised me as we encountered each situation and a lot for me to remember but I felt it had been a very positive walk…Sadie and I had been out for a good length of walk in glorious sunshine, I had been able to reach a destination I’d not been able to for around 4 months, Sadie had shown us some of her problem behaviours and I’d gained skills in addressing these and of great importance to me, Sadie had responded really well to any corrections I’d given her but also to the praise I gave her (I’d hate for my wee waggly bummed dog to diminish in any way).  We are both learning from our refresher training – Sadie is learning I now don’t let her away with unwanted behaviours and have upped my expectations of her and I’m learning to appropriately address unwanted behaviours from Sadie.  That’s all I’m aiming for from this training (my trainer admittedly may have different goals).  Sadie slept well for the remainder of my working day, another indication that our training walk had been a positive one for Sadie as well as me.

Day 3 won’t take place until next Monday as there is no one available for the next few days to continue on with our training.  In the meantime, I’ve returned to work although I’m not allowed to work Sadie other than to toilet her so she is currently dashing round the office after her Kong wobbler which has some of her dinner allowance in it and has also had a good investigation of her toy box with various ankle breakers now spread round the office floor.

More to follow….and for me to hopefully remember what I’ve been taught so far during our break in training!

Day 1 of refresher training is very much like day 1 of class.  Your dog comes to you, you have a chat with your trainer, have time to get (re)acquainted with your dog and then you do a short training route.  On this route I was advised to allow Sadie to go to the down kerb that I’d spent around 5 months battling to get her to walk past (its her most favourite of routes – the way to my sister’s and her amazing garden!) and from there make a right turn. It worked and I was amazed.  Will it work the next time I walk that route?  Who knows with Miss Pops! I also learned a new arm position which helps reinforce the command I give my dog (similar to the way foot positions and hand signals aid command).  We went into the Spar as a destination point for Sadie and I was very pleased that although she had a wee fly sniff as she walked down the sweets aisle, it never amounted to more than a natural scenting as she walked along.  On the return route, Sadie typically slowed down as soon as I effectively told her that she still wasn’t getting to go to my sister’s garden and although I tried a few ‘hop ups’ they had no effect.  My trainer demonstrated a way of holding the lead in my right hand almost parallel to the side of Sadie’s head as I gave the ‘hop up’ command. It had a minuscule temporary effect on her speed but my trainer advised that Sadie may have retained her slower speed because we were going up hill, rather than because she was ignoring the command I had given her.  It might have only been about a 10 minute walk, but I’d seen a change in Sadie’s previous behaviour and learned two new techniques so for my first day I was happy with that.  On returning home, after making a plan for day 2, my trainer left Sadie and I together and we had a wee play with some of her new toys.  I had planned to groom Sadie as would have been our normal post-dinner routine, but Sadie was sound asleep in her bed so I let her sleep on undisturbed; as religious as I am about tooth brushing and grooming, I recognise when its more beneficial to allow Sadie to rest.

Day 2 dawned and after a relaxed start to our morning I groomed Sadie and brushed her teeth – being delighted to see that she remembered our routine perfectly and still wagged her tail when her toothbrush made an appearance.  I had an early lunch ready for my trainer’s arrival for a vet appointment for Sadie to have a general health check.  One of the theories which could account for Sadie’s sometimes (previous) chaotic behaviour was health related so we wanted to rule anything and everything out.  The good news is that nothing showed up and the reason for the change of food Sadie had in late December is working but the bad news is that despite another reduction in the volume of food that Sadie gets each day 3 weeks ago she has continued to gain weight.  This is counter intuitive to reducing her food intake at the same time as increasing her workload.  After discussing this with the vet, we decided on a final further reduction in her food intake (she’s now at the stage where although we are reducing her calorie intake, we are risking her not getting sufficient nutrition as a working dog) and if there is no weight reduction in 3 to 4 weeks the vet will screen her for a possible thyroid problem which could account for her continued weight gain and potentially her sometimes lack of interest in working.

We then did a route partially along the high street in my town.  My trainer noted that Sadie’s ability to ‘find the pole’ (the pole that the green man pedestrian crossing box sits on) has been degraded due to non use so she plans to reintroduce the clicker to refresh Sadie’s training over the next few weeks.  We had a really interesting (to me) conversation at the pole in relation to the command ‘find the…..’.  As newer techniques are trickling into the training of guide dogs (some of what I term purist positive reinforcement techniques), the dog has learned to try and find a physical thing when they are given the ‘find’ command.  This means however that I can no longer ask Sadie to for example ‘find right’, find straight’ because it will confuse her as she tries to find a physical thing to locate on her right etc.  This would account for a significant amount of Sadie’s confusion on occasions the last while when I’ve unknowingly being asking her to find things that were impossible for her to find!

My trainer also noticed both yesterday and today on the way to the vet’s that I’m doing too much of Sadie’s work.  That’s no surprise to me as that was the only way I could keep Sadie having any forward motion over the last few months, i.e. remove any expectation or responsibility of guiding but that stopped as of today. The biggest thing I learned today was to put full responsibility back to Sadie to safely guide me.  I’m sure through habit and the trust process between Sadie and I taking time to build back up again, that on occasions I’ll forget but that’s the great thing of having my trainer close by so she can remind me when need be.  What was the biggest thing my trainer learned about me today? That my harness flicks are are useless as they ever were! I’m not sure I will ever completely lose my reluctance to correct my dog using harness or lead but I can work on using a more authoritative tone with Sadie (again that has degraded to actually asking Sadie to do things  or using a questioning timbre to my tone because of all the problems I’ve had the last while).  Back to practising my ‘no’ voice in the shower in the mornings I guess.

As part of this afternoon’s route we visited our favourite cafe.  One of the reasons its my favourite is because of all the versions of hot chocolate I’ve tasted in cafes they serve the best. That was until today.  I think unknown to me they have renamed it ‘vaguely warm chocolate flavoured water with frothy milk on top’.  What happened to my squirty cream and marshmallows?  Thankfully there will be more cafes to visit on the various destinations for Sadie over the next few weeks of training and hopefully more (actual) hot chocolates to try.

As I reflect on today’s training I’m left feeling sad, despite my best efforts as I always do to find and focus on the positives in situations.  I think I’m sad because today has started to really demonstrate to both myself and my trainer just how derailed my (working) partnership with Sadie had become the last while as I sought to keep going until I reached rock bottom and couldn’t go on any longer.  Tonight I question why I did so when it harmed me, harmed Sadie’s training and potentially harmed Sadie. The answer is because I was trying to do my best by Sadie and hope that eventually the help I needed would kick in. I’m not wasting any energy or blog space on going over how things could have been (?should have been) different.  We are where we are today and I am encouraged by the many ideas my trainer has to get Sadie and I back on the rails we were on during our initial training and I absolutely saw from Sadie today the work I know she is capable of, and the work that at moments over the last few months was the only reason I hung on.  And tonight I am so glad I did.

Before I go forwards, I want to go a little backwards first.  A lot has happened to me since I wrote my last blog post, too much to try to put into words not least because there are no words to adequately describe my (ongoing) heartache at losing my beloved Waffle.  The decision I made around the time of my last post to follow my heart was the right one, even though there were those who thought I was a little mad giving up on the potential of securing a PhD post. I’d decided I would prefer to spend time with my dog enjoying life and giving her as many happy experiences as I could.  I’m glad I did and still mourn that I couldn’t have given her more.

I was matched with my new guide dog Sadie in September last year and we sailed through training together.  But shortly thereafter things turned a little troublesome. I got great advice and ideas from Guide Dog staff but ultimately it didn’t resolve issues and we jointly decided to give Sadie a period of time to settle in keeping things as straight forward and as achievable for her as possible…which also took some pressure of me.  The plan was to very gradually introduce Sadie to the environments and tasks she would help me with over time, but every time we tried to do this, some problems behaviours re-emerged.

I’m not going to dissect these behaviours or the potential (multitude) of reasons for them but they currently centre around variation in guiding speed (a big variation!!), bounding/bolting around while in harness and some lack of confidence in guiding past other dogs.  It wouldn’t be wise for me to mention in any depth how I feel about the owner of the dog who attacked Sadie but will try and awareness raise about the potential harms of not keeping dogs under control via another platform.

I’m now about to commence refresher training today with Sadie.  I’m not entirely sure what that will consist of but the preparation for it has been very like that after you are matched with your guide dog and count the days and hours until you start training together.  Yesterday was pretty much filled with fixing Sadie’s beds back up with her fresh bedding, repairing a few toys (not sure my boss would think much of my surgical stitching skills, ha ha!), putting poo bags back in the pockets of my jackets and bags, completing the last of my tasks designed to keep me from worrying about Sadie while she was with Guide Dogs for assessment/training and routine housework.  This morning has been spent clock watching….no surprise there to my friends.

I’m going into refresher training with an open and optimistic mind but I am ware that as no definite reasons were found during assessment to account for Sadie’s behaviours, she’ll be returning home to me more than likely doing exactly what she did when I asked Guide Dogs for help.  But this time around, my trainer will be aiming to teach me techniques to manage these behaviours in a more proactive way. Ultimately though these may not resolve her behaviours and I may once again find these too difficult for me to manage on a daily basis and not feel safe being guided by Sadie.

In the meantime, as a friend wrote as the tag line to their initial journey into guide dog ownership, forwards, always forwards.